this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
