I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize