the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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