What a fucking waste of an outfit
what day is it and did you see me today?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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