I want to stick my p in your. b.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
