erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
