dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
