you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
