Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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