I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
