GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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