I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize