After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
