I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The air was thick with penises
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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