she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
