oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
