remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
