I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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