No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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