Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
