He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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