my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wear drunk well.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
