i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
