ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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