Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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