Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize