so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
