had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
