I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
