He uses pillows to masturbate.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
