My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
