just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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