I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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