3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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