I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
