i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
