Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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