your parents love me but you hate me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
