omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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