it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
