My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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