yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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