I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
