my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
