sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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