That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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