Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
