Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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