I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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