So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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