I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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