the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
