Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
