I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
