I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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