Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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