My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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