I will die if light touches me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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