Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
