Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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