discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
