Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
