he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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