my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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