the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
