You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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