I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
