hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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