so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
