I want to make a zoo with you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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