so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize