I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
